


I’m My Best When I’m With You

by Unicornsfartglitter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Minor Comic Spoilers, Negan’s thoughts, Realization, a little bit of sex, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 09:10:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/pseuds/Unicornsfartglitter
Summary: Negan becomes unselfish over time after getting closer to Daryl.





	I’m My Best When I’m With You

**Author's Note:**

> I should be destroying Rick’s ass after Andy’s decision but here I am.
> 
> *Very Minor comic spoilers.

Lucille dying slowly, her lungs begging for air that can't be inhaled. She looks at me with tired wet eyes like I can give her life. I cheated on her but always thought we would be together dying of old age.

 

Killing the first man, shooting him in the head and watching him fall to the ground. Nothing is normal about killing a human being but he tried to kill me first and damn if I would die. More try and Lucille is born again, barbwired and lethal cracking skulls and spewing blood. Their meat hangs to her like a casual conversation. This is normal now.

 

Blood. Blood dripping everywhere, under my nails and clinging to my flesh. Killing a ginger haired man and Korean isn’t hard for me to take. Neither are their screams and cries of agony over losing their family. They look at me like Satan but that doesn’t bother me either because this is what it takes to live.

 

Vowing to kill Rick, hearing him promise me that same fate is an old song, Carl dying too young only stings a little and I a taunt a grieving father because it’s what I do. It’s not being heartless these days, seeing fiery rage in his eyes just goads me more to yearn for his death or any of his groups.

 

Rick’s sweaty and crying telling me Carl dreamed of more and I can build a real future, society with meaning and it almost gets to me. I can see it, giving that kid what he wanted. Everything doesn’t have to be so bad just because our situation is. My throats slashed, I hold the wound lightly not even sure I want the bleeding to stop because Rick is a liar, there is no good left in this world.

 

I’m visited by Rick daily given my meager portion of food. It ain’t so bad pissing and shitting in a bucket and getting a shower twice a week. Sometimes Daryl even visits, grunts. I think that’s his only speech. He’s not wounded, no victim though I tried. No fear meets my eyes but a hint of satisfaction at my conditions, I deserve this.

 

They let me out to fight Alpha, she’s crazy and hot. Nothing like Lucille except that bit of wild in her but then reality comes crashing down. She’s pure evil, not the evil the walkers made us but a different brand. One I can’t stand to know exists and her death brings me satisfaction.

 

I get to run around and be a “team player.” Planting strawberries with Judith and being referred to as uncle soothes my heart, makes it open just a bit. Some Alexandrians still run at my presence or scowl like I killed their puppy but some come to me for advice. How to make good spaghetti or how to strengthen the walls and I feel real again, productive.

 

Daryl starts to talk to me, his gravel voice soft but he invites me to join him on runs and asks what parts are best for a new motorcycle and something about him is different. A jolt of heat hits me at his laugh or quirk of a smile.

 

Some kid I never seen before falls to the ground off his bike. He cries no older than six, no ones around but I check on him. Taking him back inside his house I tend to his knee, blood staining my skin in care instead of hurt. His parents aren’t home, if it’s not just one living and it’s seems wrong having a kid home alone and I make him a sandwich, a nagging filling me when I step out the door leaving him alone again. Daryl looks at me from the sidewalk like he knew what I was doing inside and he smiles but this time I actually see teeth as he stubs out his cigarette and walks away.

 

Cooking for Ms. Smith whose sick and elderly and helping Aaron move in his boyfriend’s new bed isn’t a hassle. Giving Judith my last cookie knowing with our rations my next one won’t be for  two months feels good. Seeing Carl’s framed picture with Judith on the mantle reminds me how cruel I was to his dad and I seek Rick out to apologize over a year later. I don’t notice myself changing slowly or the calm that seeps in when I see Daryl, when his leg brushes mine at every dinner, my seat always by his side.

 

Thing is seeing Daryl give to others doesn’t change me in one day. He risks his life stumbling over ten walker corpses he killed just to bring Judith home a brand new toy or neglecting to keep the only pack of cigarettes he found to give to a friend. When meat is low he stays out longer in the heat swaying with a deer over his shoulder several days later. He gives so much freely with little thanks and in return I give more to those around me not understanding why.

 

I find a sealed bottle of scotch and hide in under my bed, it joins two packs of cigarettes I could use myself. Later on a run I get my hands on a pearl handled hunting knife. It looks ridiculous, a leather vest stitched with a skull but I add it to my collection. Maybe it’s stupid when I add red licorice and a bar of chocolate to it too.

 

Daryl comes back from a week of scavenging tired and rubbing his surely aching neck sighing and chugging on clean water. His gulps expand his neck exposing his adams apple and I want to lick the sweat away and hold him closer. No words are exchanged that night as he passes the bread bowl to me but our thighs touch the whole meal and when he leans into me to scoop up more beans I shudder.

 

That night I give him my gifts and he’s shocked, almost as if I stabbed him. “Why?” He asks with hesitation and a quivering voice. “I don’t need it and you deserve it.” I expect him to reject it but he takes them and we sit outside on the back porch smoking and sharing scotch barely another word spoken.

 

**3 months later:**

 

Daryl takes me, thrusting in hard. The two of us have been like this several times over the past two months but never like this. Me split open as he fucks into me harder grunting and kissing my neck, stroking me to orgasm. He collapses on top of me, heavy and sweating, it’s too hot but I don’t push him off as I close my eyes and relish in feeling again, things I haven’t felt since Lucille. Opening the drawer I hand over a snickers bar to him, I found out a while back. It’s both our favorites but I only found one. “Why?” He asks, he only takes my gifts with no hesitation or rejection. I pull his arm around me pinning it underneath my stomach and know I will be asleep in seconds.

 

“Because I’m my best when I’m with you.” I whisper not sure if he can hear me when I’m this tired but it’s the damn truth and it’s not gonna change.


End file.
